Disclaimer: This is a very long read, but it explains everything from beginning to end of why we're ending up in Arkansas.

Well, I made an announcement that I'll be moving to Arkansas in a few months. I got a few questions as to why, so I decided to write a note to let everyone know why/how this situation came around...

Backstory
Adam met this guy named Matt 7 years ago online through his Bob and George comic. Throughout those years, they've talked and such, becoming good friends. It wasn't until about 2 years after I met Adam that I met Matt as well. However, I only knew him as a friend of Adam's, and only by his "online" name, Ark.

The next phase...
Last year, about around March, Matt came into some circumstances that toyed with his emotions, causing him to spiral in deep depression. I tried to help him through it, and frequently received phone calls and text messages from him, saying suicidal things. Of course, I was concerned. This was Adam's friend, and I have grown to know him better in the last few months.

So, I had an idea. At the time, I thought this was a great idea, and it would benefit both parties. I asked Adam if we should try to get a job for Matt at Adam's work at TimeIPS. They were in need of a new programmer, and Matt was the person for them. He and Adam complemented each other: Adam knew one thing that Matt didn't know, and vise versa. Adam told Matt to apply. I also thought that perhaps we should get together, and rent a place for both of us to live in. If we split rent, we could find a much nicer place than a crummy two bedroom apartment.

We all agreed.

Matt moved into the apartment about a month before we had to move out. During that time, we managed to find a wonderful two story home for rent for $1000 (this included the pet deposit as well as our normal deposit). So we split the rent half and half, and the bills 60/40 (with us getting the 60%, of course.)

I thought this was the best thing I could have thought of, and I was so excited to be living in a home, and having another person around to talk with and what not.

...I was wrong.

The nightmare begins...
It was barely a month after we had moved into the home. Jason had broken a glass one morning, and I swept it up. Five days later, we decide we should do a super clean on the house, and unpack more boxes. Matt said he'd take care of the living room, and Adam and I were taking care of the garage. About 30 minutes into the cleaning, Matt runs outside and starts screaming at me. At first I couldn't understand, but then I finally understood his babble. He had found a piece of the broken glass from five days ago. A small piece that I apparently missed while sweeping. He began to call me a bad mother, and said he was going to report me to the Social Services. Upset, I ran inside to find that he had shoved everything out of the way... obvious that he was cleaning. However, he began to take pictures of the living room in that condition, as evidence of the "mess" in the house. I began to cry and yell, saying that was unfair for him to do that when he was the one that made this mess to begin with. I then proceeded to call my parents, and Brenda, to ask if they had ever made the same mistake I apparently did by not getting all the glass. All of them said yes.

Adam sat us down for a talk later, and we tried to talk it out. However, I was now burned at this point, and did not trust Matt. Later on, I would know how right I was.

The next event startled us. Adam and I had gone down to Arkansas to visit my family for Thanksgiving. After almost a week, we returned to find that the large living room had been rearranged into the very small room beside the living room... the small room that wasn't 1/3 the side of the living room. I was upset. He did not ask us if this was okay. However, I kept my composure, and thought that this was okay... Until he said, and I quote, "My intention was to keep Jason out of the living room."

I was livid. Jason needed a place to run around, and I needed the TV to watch as well. This was unfair to both of us... but I had no choice. I wanted things to work, and something like this, while very very annoying, wasn't enough for me to get pissed.

From that point on, there was random moments of him going crazy over nothing.. Such as a dirty dish left on the coffee table, my books on the couch, sound coming from the computer while he tries to watch TV (but doesn't ask me to turn it down, so I have no idea I'm doing wrong), or Jason's toys in the floor... which brings me to the straw that broke the camel's back.

Hell on Earth
Sometime around February, Adam and I were sitting in the living room after Jason had gone to bed. The "old living room" had no lights on, and the only light on in the house was in the "new living room" and the kitchen. Matt walked outside to get something, then came in after.

Suddenly, he yells as loud as he could, and kicks something. When Adam asks him what's wrong, he says nothing and goes upstairs. Adam follows, and Matt starts to scream at him, saying he stepped on something. 20 minutes later, he comes down and mutters, "It needs stitches." This had us worried. After two hours, Matt returns and says nothing to us. Adam finally gets him to respond to him online.

The following is the conversation that took place. I will intervene with my personal responses now. These were not made during the actual conversation. If there are any swearing on Matt's part, I apologize, as I didn't take the time to edit it.
----
10:09:15 PM Adam Higerd: Let's take things one point at a time. First, back to my initial question: What happened, what did you hurt yourself on, and what's injured?
10:09:58 PM NestajaOfShadow: Something on the floor. I stepped directly on it and it cut me open, I kicked it off and in a lovely fit of rage went upstairs- you know that part.
10:10:14 PM NestajaOfShadow: The damage is currently 6 stitches and I'm trying to stay off it so that the number doesn't increase
10:10:42 PM NestajaOfShadow: And just about everybody from Dave to your parents have said that this situation isn't working out and it's time for me to get out.
At this point I called Brenda immediately. If what he said was true, I was seriously about to be upset with her. However, she told me it wasn't true, and I believed her. The next day, Adam spoke to Dave, which is his boss, and he told Adam that in no way would he talk to Matt about anything like that.
10:11:06 PM NestajaOfShadow: As of tonight, it's now a liability to my health.
10:11:51 PM NestajaOfShadow: And don't even think about saying "find a replacement". I wouldn't want my worst enemy to live in this pigsty.
This made me very angry. The room in question was the "old living room." It was completely clear on the floor aside from Jason's GIANT Thomas the Tank Engine (and I say giant as it is a motorized car). I searched up and down, and the only thing I could find that would even cause ANY damage was Jason's Spider-Man toothbrush.
10:12:29 PM NestajaOfShadow: If that's all for now, I don't think getting any more agitated with an injury in a part of the body where blood pressure is usually the highest is a good idea.
10:13:37 PM NestajaOfShadow: And also since there's nothing that can be done about the situation now, I'm just not going to let it bother me. I have enough on my plate this month as it is.
10:13:49 PM Adam Higerd: I apologize for what happened -- I can't figure out what you hurt yourself on; I can't find anything in the living room that would have done that kind of damage in any place you would have been walking -- but that's no excuse for your behavior.
10:14:03 PM Adam Higerd: I can even understand the outburst.
10:15:00 PM Adam Higerd: But when I can't even find out what happened, and when it takes over half an hour to get Jason calmed down because you won't tell me anything except to yell at the top of your lungs, that's not acceptable.
10:17:03 PM NestajaOfShadow: Honestly, I haven't been that mad / this mad at anybody for any reason in years. I've tried talking to you. I've tried talking to Ginny. And I'm tired of either walking on eggshells or running into a brick wall.
10:18:36 PM NestajaOfShadow: to this point, I pay for half of this house. I work my ass off for it, and when I'm here I confine myself to this room. I can not stand to be around the messes you two make. I've gotten physically sick from some of the smells of the things you two leave in that living room.
If you wanna count any bad smells in the living room, then you can blame Adam's farting. ..lol...
10:18:57 PM NestajaOfShadow: and it's not jsut the house
10:19:12 PM NestajaOfShadow: it's the way you act in your lives, treat people aorund you, and deal in your surroundings
10:19:25 PM NestajaOfShadow: Adam, are you aware of just how close you are to losing your job right now?
This enraged me. Did Adam's boss actually say something like this to Matt? Of course not. Adam asked Dave, of course, the same time he asked about Dave telling Matt to leave. This was a lie on Matt's part.
10:20:23 PM NestajaOfShadow: Frankly, I'm tired of having people asking ME why you two can't get your act together. I'm tired of it.
10:20:34 PM NestajaOfShadow: I can't make excuses for you anymore.
10:20:42 PM NestajaOfShadow: And I can't continue living here.
10:24:34 PM NestajaOfShadow: I'm going to sleep. My responsibilities involve getting to church and then getting to work. You need to figure out your own priorities.
----

At this point, I was such in a rage over this. I know a few of you have seen me mad, but I have never felt such anger in all my life. Here I was, staring at this, after everything I had done for him. I had tried desperately to let him know that LIFE WAS WORTH LIVING. I got him a job. I found him a new place to live for much cheaper than he was paying. And these terrible things he was saying was making me emotionally sick and tired.

...but then Adam received this message from Matt. I bold the KEY PART.

6:01:30 PM Adam Higerd: Scraping the barrel? No offense intended but you ran out and lashed out at something that can't even be rightly qualified as negligence -- why on earth were you barefoot, outside, without even turning on the light?
6:02:11 PM NestajaOfShadow: Wearing sandals, inside, with the lights on. I don't want to chew that old soup. I'm sorry I exploded, and I"m trying very hard to forget it happened.
6:02:18 PM Adam Higerd: As nearly as I can tell your injury came from mis-navigating in the dark and walking into the rhythm game area and stepped on a PS2 controller connector.
6:02:41 PM NestajaOfShadow: And it was the corner of one of the train tracks that was upsidedown
6:02:56 PM NestajaOfShadow: I almost hit a cat reflexively kicking it
6:03:07 PM Adam Higerd: How do you know that? Last week you said you didn't have a clue what you stepped on.
6:03:17 PM NestajaOfShadow: I lied.
6:03:20 PM Adam Higerd: Everything's so inconsistent Ginny's wondering if you faked the whole thing.
6:03:25 PM NestajaOfShadow: I was trying to keep my temper under control.
----

Here, I'll repeat it:
6:03:17 PM NestajaOfShadow: I lied.
6:03:17 PM NestajaOfShadow: I lied.
6:03:17 PM NestajaOfShadow: I lied.


But even with him admitting to EVERYTHING being a lie, he refused to stay during the agreed year. He said he had already made plans to move out by the end of May.

I thought it was over...
Finally, May had come around. I had tried my hardest not to rip Matt a new one from all his little bursts of bullcrap since his "I lied" moment. However, the beginning of this month, Matt brought a lady friend over (I would say lady friend #15, but who's counting?), and the first thing out of his mouth was, "It's usually worst than this." A comment about the "old living room." I bit my tongue.

The next day, I did laundry. I left to go to Brenda's, came back that evening to hear the dryer going. Matt was doing his laundry. Eh, that's fine. I'll get my stuff later. The next morning, I go downstairs to pick up the clean clothes from yesterday...to find them in the pile of dirty clothes on the floor. Matt had taken our clothes out of the dryer, and thrown them in the floor. My kindness was done. Every last ounce of my patience was drained from me, and I was running on fumes. I took his clothes out of the dryer, ran upstairs, and threw them across the floor. Adam tells Matt that if he's going to pull that stunt, then he can go to a coin washer.

Matt comes downstairs to start a fight with Adam. I immediately got up, and finally went off on everything that he had done to us from the moment he would call/text message me about committing suicide, to the laundry. He simply stared at me and said, "Children shouldn't speak unless spoken to."

I snapped. I was ready to hit him as hard as I possibly could. He even taunted me to hit him. Dared me. I burst into tears, calling him a backstabber, a monster, and that how he could live with doing this stuff to us, making us pay $1000 rent for the next three months, was unbelievable. He then said we used him, and slammed the door to his upstairs room.

Used him? It was he who got a new job because of us. It was he who got his new big screen TV because of us. It was he who got to live in a better home, a better city, away from the people that he claimed was ruining his life. We have gained nothing from this situation, but misery and pain.

Adam then told him to leave by the end of the week. He was no longer welcomed, and that everything of ours upstairs should be taken downstairs. He was also not allowed to take the big screen TV until it was paid off.

And now what's left over..
At this point, Adam had started a new job at EastWest Records at Hollywood, CA (working at home, of course). This new job will bring in over half of what he's making now. While this was a great blessing, Adam and I determined that we have to move no matter what happens in August. I didn't know where. I didn't know how. I wanted to get away from this home, even if it pained me to leave such a wonderful home. We began to discuss what to do. He was working at home now, so we could live ANYWHERE we wanted to, as long as it had a stable internet connection for him to work on. This opened up new doors, new opportunities. We thought about it for a few days, constantly discussing all day, and even before bed as we slept on it. Our conclusion:

We wanted to move to Arkansas. For the last 5 or 6 years, I have been selfless. I moved to Wichita to be with Adam. I stayed in Wichita even after the misery of personal problems from all corners. I tried to desperately get a job to help bring money into the house, only to be turned down constantly. People began to believe I wasn't trying. That I was lazy. And then I had to deal with rumors and backlashing from everyone, from both sides of the family. Jason came into our lives, but I continued my hardest to make it work here in Wichita.

My grandmother died...
And then, out of no where, my best friend.. my cousin... he died.

So after all of this, I will be selfish. I want to be with my family again. I want to be able to do things with my Mom and Dad. I want to see my cousins again. I want to have a life again, being around people who will accept me for my flaws, and accept me as the person I am instead of trying to make me feel like everything in my life that I've had to deal with is my fault. After the loss of my cousin, I cannot imagine how I would be if another was to die, after not seeing them for over a year.

I do not want to say over and over again for another family member's death: "I should have called more..."

I want to be with my family again. I want to be with people who will be there for me again.

...

I hope you all will see this through my eyes, and accept this. I hope that no one will try to twist this into something it's not. If you have any questions or even concerns, you can contact Adam or I through dA note system. I check it every day.

I love you all... friends and relatives.